Review: UberKinky Squeezer Teaser Nipple Clamps

I was kindly sent the Squeezer Teaser Nipple Clamps for review by the lovely folks at UberKinky in exchange for an honest review.

These nipple clamps are of the Japanese clover clamp variety. Made of metal, they also have soft rubber tips and a cord to allow weights or attaching to anything else a sadists mind can think up. The grip, though adjustable, is quite intense but incredibly pleasurable - or at least if you have masochistic tenancies it certainly is.

When I received them, the clamps were in cardboard and plastic packaging, which being completely honest, cheapened the aesthetic. I've included a picture of them in the packaging for comparison. Were I to give a set of these as a gift, I would personally unpackage them and wrap them simply in tissue paper or similar to give a classier look.

Now, once out of the packaging I found these to be great. Of course, they're called nipple clamps but that really doesn't cover all the possibilities a creative sadist could think up - if you can pinch flesh, you can clamp it!

Now, it should be stated these probably aren't for those not keen on a little pain, and they are more intense than some other clamps I've tried. Saying that, if you're a fan of Nipple Play they're a great investment and a true classic to add to any toybox.

So all in all, not great packaging, but look beyond that and you'll find a great bit of kit with real bite!

NK xx

Review: Kinklab Leather Vampire Gloves

We purchased the Kinklab Leather Vampire Gloves in April 2012, and with it being January 2013 now, I've taken a while to get to reviewing them! This long-overdue post is in part because of some minor issues developing with them, but more because we spend a lot of time at parties showing them to people and finding new converts wherever we take them! 

The gloves are made from a soft, thin leather which flexes well with movement, the fingers adorned with prickly metal spikes. At first glance, they could seem like a scary prospect, however they really have a multitude of uses. More on that in a moment. 

They're manufactured in sizes XS, S, M, L and XL, however the only UK stockist I know of (and the retailler we purchased the gloves from) SexToys.co.uk offers them in XS, M and XL. We have the XL size, and both Master and I have large hands and find that while they are snug, they do fit. With that in mind, I would caution that if you have significantly larger-than-average hands you may struggle to fit into these.

Used gently, they make for excellent sensation play. Love the feeling of being scratched lightly (or not so lightly) with nails? You'll likely adore these. Nothing creates shivers down the spine like these gloves. If you want a more intense experience, they can provide a rougher scratch or if the user grips their subject while wearing the gloves, they offer a truly stinging sensation. If you're really itching for some more extreme sadomasochistic action, spanking with the Vampire Gloves is a one-of-a-kind experience. Having received such spankings on several occasions, I can say they're high impact and hurt. They will also make you bleed. The subsequent dotty markings you're left with can take up to several weeks to fully disappear (but if you're a hard to mark sub who loves being marked - like me - that can be fantastic!)

Blood is an issue that needs raising with this particular bit of kit. In scratchy play, you run a risk of drawing blood with these, and spanking with them you're almost guaranteed to do so. With that in mind, if you're bothered by blood I'd advise against these gloves (or suggest exercising restraint with pressure in use), and it's worth remembering that blood borne disease is a risk if you opt to use them with multiple partners. 

If you play at home you're free to make your own choices about blood and your comfort with it, but do be aware that fetish clubs usually have rules in place, and many of them have a "no blood drawn" policy. If in doubt, I'd advocate checking with the club owners or the Dungeon Master present.

Now, as we've owned them for 9 months at this stage, we've noticed some wear/issues cropping up. Firstly, some of the spikes have bent over in play. This may be attributable to them having been used to administer spankings. Secondly, some of the spikes have retracted into the glove and Master has to push them back through when he puts them on. The picture below should hopefully illustrate my points.

If you look carefully at the bottom of the pictured finger, the set of four spikes has retracted into the glove. Further up, a spike is bent flat. 

Currently (and as far back as when we purchased them), the Kinklab Leather Vampire Gloves retail for £29.95 at SexToys.co.uk. Even with the faults we're starting to notice, we still feel this is decent value, as they're one of our favourite items in Master's kit. He really enjoys using them, and they're both adored and feared by me! 

If you want your very own set of Vampire Gloves, they're available here for £29.95 (price correct at time of writing) 

NK x

Review: Jack Boot Print Wooden Spanking Paddle

We'd been eyeing the Jack Boot Print Wooden Spanking Paddle for a while when we saw that Lovehoney had included it in their post-Christmas sale. When we spotted that they also intended to discontinue the paddle (at least at Lovehoney), we had to have it.

Made by Icon Brands under the Raging Stallion 

The Jack Boot paddle certainly isn't a beginner friendly bit of kit; measuring just short of 19" and bearing a UK size 12 boot sole in thick rubber (so yes, it does smell of rubber, a little like a shoe shop), and hitting just short of a freight train. But more on that later. The rubber sole is mounted on a fairly standard, if large, wooden paddle (so easily doubles up for standard paddle usage), and as such should be noted, this has pretty much no give.

For the sake of truly understanding what those dimentions will mean in your hand, I took a comparitive picture with a Sky+ remote:

As for your testers, Master and I have been into kink for quite a while, and Master's toy bag is overflowing. As such, we've reached a point where we only really want to add different items to the bag. A standard flogger, cane or paddle doesn't hold much appeal when we already have such a wide variety of toys. This is not your standard paddle. I mentioned the dimensions above, and while it does feel lighter than expected given the sheer size of the monster, it's a paddle I could imagine a smaller Dom struggling to wield with adequate control.

Speaking as the submissive on the receiving end of the Jack Boot paddle, I can safely say in play it truly is like no other. Paddles of different materials always feel different, but the addition of a rubber boot sole with a deep tread, makes for an utterly unique sensation. Part of this may be that my Master is rather sadistic and hits like a truck anyway, but this is by far the most painful paddle I have experienced.

I am generally a fan of thuddy pain, and tolerate stingy pain much less well. My relationship with this paddle is, as such, slightly confused. It does hit much thuddier than other paddles I've known, but on top of that there is a white-hot sting that tears the breath from me.

So far, the hits I've received haven't left a lasting imprint of a boot on my behind, but then I am very hard to mark. As such, I intend to update this review once we've been able to try it on a friend who marks much more easily than I do.

Master really enjoyed using this on me, and as much as it hurts like hell, I enjoyed receiving it. The construction seems fantastic, everything is very secure and nothing seems frayed or poorly attached so I'm fairly confident this will remain part of our kit for many years to come, taking the wind from subs wherever it may strike!

I would recommend the Jack Boot paddle to experienced players who want something new and different to add to their kit, but would advise caution to those who are less experienced. Old hat or fresh meat though, I'd advise this is a one to know your own strength on, get a feel for how it hits, and use accordingly!

It's disappointing to see Lovehoney won't be stocking it anymore, though I can imagine it being intimidating to fetish-newbies, so perhaps that has affected sales. However, a number of other stockists do still offer the Jack Boot such as SexShop365.

Overall, we love this!

NK x

Sinful Sunday: Never Naked

I'm never truly naked with my collar.

Master collared me early this year and I've worn this since. To be without it would feel incredibly wrong to me. It's discrete enough to wear day to day without suspicion or questions. 

In times of stress, worry or sadness, my collar is my link to him, to feel him near me even when we are physically apart. 

Click to see who else took part this week...

BDSM is Domestic Violence? Really?

I read today that a charity based not far from me is planning a "50 Shades bonfire" on the 5th November, and is calling for women to hand over their copies to be burned.

Reading the article, Clare Phillipson, who is the Director of Wearside Women in Need is quoted as saying: "I do not think I can put into words how vile I think this book is and how dangerous I think the idea is that you get a sophisticated but naive, young women and a much richer, abusive older man who beats her up and does some dreadful things to her sexually."

She goes on to label consentual BDSM as "domestic violence". 

I was appalled to hear the life I lead judged so harshly. I felt compelled to try to advise her of the reality of consentual kink and the relationships within it via the contact us link on the charity's site.

In my email I said:

Dear Ms Phillipson

I am writing to you to alert you to the offense caused by your statements to BBC news as published on their website here: http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-tyne-19354560.

I am a lifestyle submissive woman in a D/s relationship. This is a relationship I entered consentually, and any and all activities carried out between my partner and I are fully consentual.

I greatly enjoy the pleasure I receive through these consentual activities.

To read these judgemental comments about a lifestyle many men and women in the North East are involved in was deeply offensive and disheartening. Most relationships in the kink scene are fully consentual and non abusive, but as with vanilla relationships, occasionally some do go bad. These women should feel they would be able to turn to WWIN, however I can say with some conviction I doubt many would after seeing the standpoint your organisation has taken against the lifestyle we lead.

I hope you will seek to enlighten yourself further to the healthy, fulfilling lifestyles others lead, and endeavour to make yourself more tollerant.

Regards
[name]

I do hope she will reconsider her standpoint, although my gut instinct says this seems unlikely. Should I receive a reply, I will post it here.

How do you feel seeing her take on the kinky lifestyle? Am I the only one who is shocked and disappointed? It really seems like kinky people, especially women, have less and less services we can use and be open about who we are and what we do. 

NK x

Consent: Not Optional.

Flickr // CC

Recently consent has been a hot topic in the fetish community. It is, of course, always of significance, but recently there doesn't seem to have been a day without someone else chiming in on the issue. Now for those who are on FetLife, I'm sure I don't need to go into the full background of recent accusations, and that's not what this post is meant to be about - I don't have a great deal to contribute in regard to communities I'm not involved in, and situations I have no knowledge of. Suffice to say I do think these discussions are important and abuses of consent always need to be challenged.

What I want to write about today is the application of consent.

So, you've been on the scene a while (maybe six months, maybe six years, who knows), and you're pretty confident you have it all down. You can debate everything from consent issues, to play styles, to edgier forms of kink with finesse.

And that's great.

But here's the thing. In all those discussions on why you need to ensure consent is given, did you actually sit back and think "Hey, this applies to me!"? Becasuse you damn well should have.

Consent applies to you.
Consent applies to me.
Consent applies to every single one of us.

It doesn't matter if you're especially "well liked" or well respected in the local "scene". It doesn't matter if you run your own parties or just attend. It doesn't matter if you're 18 or 80. It doesn't matter if s/he's your sub, partner or whatever-other-status. It just doesn't.

I'm getting sick of hearing of people brushing off consent violations. 

Unwanted touch MATTERS. Breaking limits MATTERS. Using deception or manipulation to gain "consent" MATTERS.

Just promise me this; the next time you're engaged in some kind of act (whether that be you physically performing an act upon someone, having them perform it on you, or commanding them to do something), sit back for a second and make sure you know, beyond reasonable doubt, that s/he wants you to be doing this. If you can, great. If you have doubts, check in and be prepared to stop right that goddamn second.

Trust me when I say being sexually pressured into unwanted acts, or being nonconsentually touched in any way, shape or form, stays with a person. It will colour their view of you, and worst of all, it might make them see themselves differently*.

NK x

*No one should ever feel guilty or responsible for that which was forced upon them, but many assualt survivors and those who have been in some way violated, do.

Review: Lovehoney Bondage Boutique Wrapped Rattan Cane

We got this cane some time ago, in fact it was actually our first forray into the caning world! We selected the Bondage Boutique Wrapped Rattan Cane as our first cane for a number of reasons.

Firstly, it is an inexpensive item costing £9.99 and as it is from the Bondage Boutique range, every purchase means more stamps to stick on your card - which then becomes redeemable for free spankers (we recently claimed two free spankers of our own through the scheme).

Secondly, as we were (obviously) at the time totally new to caning we wanted something relatively simple, basic and unintimidating. Neither of us really had a basis for knowing what caning was going to feel like and as such, something fairly average seemed logical. We got it in black, though it's also available in pink.

Thirdly, it being a rattan cane wrapped in a "smooth plastic coating", we felt assured it would be fairly study and shouldn't splinter or break - something that has, thus far, held true.

So, in use? I am the submissive in our relationship and while I do admit I like pain, canes scare me a bit! There's a lot of flexibility to the cane, and this allows a great deal of control in the intensity of the strikes. At 27.5 inches in length, it feels long enough without being unwieldy and the 0.25 inch diameter makes it a moderately thick cane (the thinner the cane, the stingier, in general).

It does have a slight bend to it over time, though the extent to which your cane will do so is likely to have a lot to do with how well it is stored - keep it bend for too long and it will begin to retain the shape it's kept in.

We found it to be a great starter cane, but be aware if you're new to caning - in terms of pain and potential "ouch" this is a significant step up from spanking or flogging and with any real force behind it, it will leave red welts. I'd personally recommend a decent warm-up first (spanking, flogging and paddling all help) to allow for the caning to have a touch less shock to it. The only real negative to this cane versus the canes we have subsequently acquired is that this doesn't have any sort of handle, and the ones that do are probably a touch easier to handle, though the lack of one doesn't negatively impact the toy in a significant way.

All in all, a good basic cane I'd recommend - especially to those new to the art of caning. Not too pricey, unintimidating and from a brand I trust.

It's available from Lovehoney for £9.99 with free delivery.

NK x

Care in the Community

(Flickr // CC)

So I wrote here about how we recently attended our first fet event. During the event we played for longer (in a sustained sense) than we had previously, and I took a much longer, harder beating than normal - where new toys were also used.

I've read many times about the importance of aftercare to a submissive, and always appreciated the importance - at least for others. I'd never really played hard enough or found my way into subspace. The link there describes subspace as the state of a bottom's/submissive's/slave's mind during play, noting that "deep subspace" is often said to be a state of deep recession and incoherence.

Of course, that all changed on Saturday. Only afterwards did I realise how significant the scene had been, and how "out of it" I'd became. This, my friends, is why it helps a whole lot to at least have my Master there even if not playing!

During the scene, strapped to the cross, I remember "zoning out", feeling my mind move past the physical into a part of my mind I know I can only access through intense pain or meditation. A quiet place, and somewhere that doesn't feel affected by the outside world in any form. Looking back now, I can recognise that I was pretty far into subspace. Asked at what became the end of our scene if I wanted to stop, I remember trying to focus on Master and attempting to answer. "I... don't know..." was all I could manage. It was then, with the focusing issues and the way my legs had stopped supporting me properly that Master called an end to the scene.

Aftercare is something you read about a lot in BDSM/kink circles. I had never especially considered aftercare in relation to myself, nor had I ever expected to be the "kind" of submissive/slave that would need a great deal of aftercare. I look back now and realise that logic is at best flawed. There aren't "kinds" of submissives/slaves, and no-one can tell prior to play (unless you have prior knowledge) who will need aftercare. What I learnt is that aftercare is really all about listening to, and responding to the needs of your submissive/slave. While the wiki article is quite basic, I have read others online that detail the ways in which a sub/slave may react after a scene. For me, I was disorientated, and needed guidance on really basic things. I found I got the shivers/shakes and my temperature dropped. Knowing what I do now, i intend to keep a sugary drink on hand for post-play next time we play hard, and something warm to wrap up in. Something that was immensely helpful and comforting was the way Master told me how proud he was of me and that he loved me. The tenderness shown there penetrated to my very core.

I know I couldn't have handled being left on my own at that time. Being expected to stand would have been difficult, and had I not been given time to process and "recover" from the experience, I am certain my subdrop would have been significantly worse.

The bottom line is this; never think you know the extent of the aftercare you or your sub may require until the event occurs. Try to be as prepared as you can. Mostly, just look after yourself and those you play with.

NK x

Losing my fetish event virginity.

So, on Saturday I found myself, after much anticipation, at my first ever fet club night.

A little bit of history. I've been on the scene for a couple of years roughly, and FetLife for as long. I've known I was kinky for longer still, probably more like six years give or take. Over the last couple of years we (Master aka WazDakka and I) have been promising ourselves and others that we'll get along to a proper event "soon" continually. We made it along to a fair few munches over that time and met some great people on-scene, but never actually made it to a club night.

All that changed at the weekend. We arrived early to attend the rope club too, and WazDakka picked up a few new things to use on me... such as a knotless hog tie - maybe a risky thing for him to know, but it's certainly fun!

Once we got to the evening, we changed into our fet-appropriate clothes, and headed back over to the club from the hotel we were staying in nearby. I was in my PVC outfit - a corset style buckled top and a skirt - which I got a lot of compliments for, something I hadn't been expecting!

We spent a lot of time in the social/rope room and just chatted with others until a friend of ours arrived. WazDakka also got to buy a new flogger from another scene friend - or should that be fiend - who makes evil and sadistic items!

Eventually we ventured through to the playroom, my first experience of one, where I laid eyes on the furniture it contained. Our friend had been talking to a ProDomme at the event and had been offered some coaching in dishing out a beating. Somehow, in the middle of all of this, I got volunteered for target practice and found myself shackled to the St Andrews Cross. My first time in a dimly lit dungeon, restrained and I found myself the attention of not one but three sadists (or rather two, plus one in-training!) - a nervous experience to say the least!

I'm told the scene lasted about three quarters of an hour, though I couldn't tell how long we'd been in there at all. My arse and legs became intimately acquainted with all manner of floggers, spankers and canes (mostly from Master's toybag, a couple from our ProDomme friend) and tears did fall. After my legs stopped supporting me properly at all, WazDakka called time on the session - my fatal flaw as a slave is my stubborn streak that stops me safewording out even when I probably should. Ultimately though, it wasn't more than I could take - after all I'm still here now!

The heat radiating from my arse afterwards was amazing. We went outside for a post-play cigarette and found the cooling breeze incredibly enjoyable! The marks on me may look like nothing to many, but for my rhino butt it says a lot - it takes a lot to mark my rear! Sitting wasn't a bundle of fun, but did serve as a flinchy reminder of what I'd just experienced.

Warning! Herein lies a picture of my butt. If this is something you DON'T want to see, stop reading.... NOW!

Mental Health and BDSM

 

Flickr // CC

So I've been wanting to write about this topic for a while...

There's often talk about the apparent correlation between kink and mental health issues. In the general population, roughly 1 in 4 of us will have a mental health issue of some sort, at some time. The most common tends to be depression or anxiety based. I count myself among those who have (and in my case, continue to) suffer. 

For me, I started to experience what was later diagnosed as depression and anxiety probably around 10 or 11 years old. Some might think that's early, though a surprising number of people do experience very early problems with mental health disorders. As of now, I am 23 and still battle against my demons. 

Whether or not there is a higher incidence of mental health problems in the fetish community is hard to say as any evidence would be anecdotal at best, as no studies have been conducted nor numbers assessed. However, anecdotally speaking at least, there does seem to be at least a loose correlation - in my experience - that suggests such issues do seem to have a higher rate of incidence amongst the kink sceene. 

As many psychological movements in the world still categorise elements of kink as being themselves hallmarks of variant forms of mental illness, some would likely argue that the connection may suggest kink could be a disorder or 'sickness' as it is at times seen in the vanilla world to be. 

Recently, though, I have been thinking more about alternate reasons why this may be. 

From a young age we are raised (generally speaking) in a vanilla world. This world is still broadly speaking, not especially sex positive, and even more critical of "deviant" sexual needs and wants. From as early an age as we develop these desires, we hear that they are not healthy. For some of us, we establish vanilla relationships and go about our lives often surpressing part of who we are. I believe this to be unhealthy behavious; as to deny a part of yourself can only bring pain and sadness. 

I have found personally, that as i feel my kinkiness is an integral part of who I am and that those needs and desires are as strong as my needs for sex in general, for social contact and friendship, that if those desires are surpressed for too long a time I do find my stress increasing, my mood descending and my ability to cope with the world at a low. 

Perhaps a correlation between a kinky self-identification and mental health problems could be traced to having to mould and shape ourselves to fit a world unforgiving of BDSM? 

All in all, be true to yourself and you may be surprised at how good it feels. 

NK x

I'm a Brat.

Brats love cupcakes.

I've wanted to write about this for a while.

Most people who read this blog will by now know that I am a submissive. My partner is both my boyfriend in vanilla terms and my Dominant. It's become a running joke between us and beyond that I am, at times, somewhat bratty.

I never meant it to be so. I dislike the concept of brattiness, and seeing it in other subs tends to make me flinch. I guess it's true what they say that you tend to most notice negative traits in others if they are ones you possess yourself.

The thing is though, there is more than one sort of bratty - in my opinion, anyway. Sure, you have full on, topping-from-the-bottom bratting. But then you also have the cute(?), generally childlike, playful bratting. Naturally, there's a whole bunch inbetween too, but broadly speaking most of what I see falls vaguely into one of those categories.

The other side of the coin is of course, the tollerance of the Dominant involved with a bratting sub. Some take playful bratting in good humour and don't have an issue with it. Others may see it as insubordination, no matter the intent.

Most of the time, I'd like to say that when I do go brat, it's of the playful kind. In fact, I'd hope it always was. But here's the thing, sometimes bratting that's meant to be of the playful kind inadvertantly serves as the controlling sort. In all honesty, I dislike myself bratting of either kind. I have a much stronger subby/service orientated streak in me than I often admit to, and being disobedient makes me feel bad.

So why do I brat? Mostly, for attention, if I'm being honest with myself. Sometimes it also serves the same purpose as nervous laughter, too. But mostly, the attention.

I'm an ass.

I'd like not to be.

NK x

BDSM and Me - Part 5: Culture

This is part 5 in a 15 part series of questions I've been slowly working my way through for some time now. Click here to see the full list. 

What would you say have been (if any) mass and pop culture influences on your BDSM expectations, performance and desires?

Picture reproduced under Creative Commons. From Bert23 www.aerosolplanet.com on Flickr

Right now, I find this a really interesting question. I switched degrees at University and I'm now studying on a programme that combines media and cultural studies; a course that I'm finding incredibly enjoyable and very "me".

Even defining popular culture is a huge undertaking however! (It must be if a professor at my University can somehow have managed to crank out five editions of a text book on media and popular culture!) I have 2000 words to write on just that!

However, overlooking the problems with the term itself, I'll attempt to answer this without veering off into essay mode!

Popular culture has for a long time, depicted kinksters and BDSMers as the "others", as the socially deviant, and at times morally questionable. I always found that hard to accept. From a fairly young age, the first sights of kink I was exposed to (I would suspect that was online!), I found to be an enlightening demonstration of self expression. For that reason, I always felt that I didn't understand the need for secrecy we find imposed upon us by society.

At the same time, however, I also suffered with masturbation guilt during my earlier years as a furtive wanker. It wasn't probably until I reached mid teens that I truly accepted self love as a source of pleasure and joy, rather than something to feel ashamed of afterwards.

Luckily, by the time I was introduced in the real world to kink, I was well and truly over my self pleasure shame!

Largely, I'd say I tend to avoid paying too much attention to what mainstream mass media has to say about fetish and kink, as the majority of it is nothing more or less than a caricature of reality; a distorted jumble of the seedier elements of what someone might have done to someone else, somewhere...

Saying that, though, I am a member of FetLife, and that could be easily classified as a sub-group within society, and of course, that makes it a smaller part of (admittedly "deviant") culture. I have learned a lot about other peoples' kinks and fetishes in the time I have been a member there, and it has helped me greatly in getting more involved with the local social kink scene.

Being involved to this small extent has meant that I feel I better understand what might happen at a BDSM club, or play party, and as such think I may yet find myself in attendence some day. Were it not for the influence of the online and real world communities I have encountered, I know that wouldn't be the case - it'd all be too intimidating for me.

As I have learned of more and different kinks and fantasies which other people hold, I have found my own kinks and potential kinks widening. Some years ago, for example, I might not have been as open to rimming as I am now (if you'll pardon the unintentional pun there!) - and I am so glad I am.

While I know that went on a bit, and I probably waffled on for far too long, I hope it explains a little of my influences.

NK x

BDSM and Me - Part 4: Kinky Clothing.

This is the fourth question in a series I'm answering all about my kinks. You can access the complete list here. 

Your thoughts on BDSM clothing: fun, too many stereotypes, too expensive, too uncomfortable, boring?

My opinion of fetish gear has evolved and changed over the years.

I'd go as far as to say that some years ago I had trouble understanding why there even WAS fetish clothing, outside of it being a specific fetish for some folk within the kinky community... I could understand if a person had a kink for a particular material or certain types of material... that made sense.But for a whole range of clothing to be deemed 'fetish'? And even more so, from my limited knowledge, fetish clubs often required you to wear fetish clothing even if that wasn't your kink? It didn't entirely add up for me.

Now, though, I'd say my opinion, and my understanding of it has changed.

Part of it is, undeniably, the psychology of kink. You feel different in certain clothes. Almost like a mindset-uniform. And yes, there are those for whom kink clothing is a fetish in its own right.

As for me, I do own a little PVC... Only one outfit so far but I do love it and hope to own more in the future. I wouldn't say PVC is a full-on fetish for me... yet... but I do feel very different when wearing it. I love the look of it, and it does feel more restrictive than a lot of clothing, which is enjoyable. No, it isn't something I'd want to spend every day in - and yes, I have far more comfortable attire in my wardrobe... But that's partly the point...

I do think there are a lot of cliches and stereotypes within kink clobber, but overall, I'd say that getting dressed up for an event can all be part of the fun and if it helps everyone get into the right frame of mind, then that's a positive. I'm happy to see, now that I know a little more, that most fet clubs do allow a wider range of attire than I'd previously thought, though. For some people, it's hard to get fetish clothing that fits, and even more so than that, there are those who really don't enjoy being shined up ;)

I must get around to wearing my pvc out some time.

NK x

BDSM and Me: A 15 Part Series...

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On ice...

When I think back to myself as an eighteen year old, only recently introduced to the world of kink by my then on-off girlfriend, one occasion really stands out in my mind.

She'd mentioned BDSM to me not long before and I was still very much in the "unsure" phase. I knew instinctively I was naturally submissive, and that I probably had a small masochistic streak, but aside from that it was all incredibly alien to me; and I felt staggeringly out of my depth just thinking about it and the possibilities.

I found myself once again, in the rock club we frequented at the time, the thumping bass pounding through my body. I saw an all-too familliar glint in her eye as an idea sprung to mind. She knocked back more of her drink, and retrieved an ice cube from her mouth.

Grasping the cube, she slipped her hand down my top and into my bra. Positioning the ice cube directly on my nipple, she warned me to leave it. Or else. I flinched, hard. My nipple stood erect, sensitive and stinging from the intense cold. I closed my eyes for a second, only opening them to see another cube being slid into my left bra cup. Oh, God.

I protested; "But, I'll get a wet bra!"
Not convinced, or at least not caring, she replied that I would just have to fucking cope.

I did. It stung. My nipples were hard the rest of the night, and I can't pretend I'm not wet thinking about it now. There's a reason this is in the freezer now. [US - available here] ;)

NK x

A kinky conundrum.

The last week or so has been one of discussion and contemplation in the main for me.

A few things had mounted up between R and I, and I'd been bottling my emotions and problems up. I know that's not exactly the best way to resolve, well, anything. But it doesn't mean it's any easier to just be upfront.

In the end, enough came to a head that last weekend, conversations were had. We discussed many things, one of which being our slightly misaligned sex drives (He reckons mine is higher than anyone else he's known... pfft.) - and I think we both understand one another slightly better on that front now.

Leading from that we also talked about our kinkier sides and what they mean to each of us.
In essence, our difference there is that for R, a bit of BDSM is for the bedroom, between us, and as an addition or prelude to sex. Now, for me, of course there is a sexual link in that kink and BDSM does get me hot - but it isn't necessarily a starter or a side dish... It could be the main event or at least an integral part of an activity in its own right. Getting that out on the table was positive, as it allowed us to recognise where the other was coming from.

He visited a fetish club near here years ago, before we got together. He didn't have a great time, due mostly to fairly external factors, but he also felt as though he'd explored that side of himself, and fulfilled the curiosity he'd experienced in that event. I, however, have never been to a club. I've been to a few munches now, and have kinky friends (as an aside, some of the friends I've made "on-scene" have been some of the best friends a girl could ask for, by comparison to former friends of mine), but so far my "scene experience" has been one hundred percent social.

As I mentioned earlier, we had quite extensive discussions last weekend. One of the things R raised was my need for kink, and a need he said he didn't feel he was fulfilling, or possibly could fulfill.

He brought up that he would be fine with it should I choose to engage in play with some of my kinky friends, as he knows that BDSM would be as far as it would go, and it would be strictly sex free... Which of course, it would be.

I've thought about it quite a lot since then, and I think I'm no further forward than I was a week ago. I don't know how I feel about that. I really don't. My mind keeps flip-flopping between thinking it'd be a great outlet for my kink side, and as the Mr and I discussed, take some of the perceived (from his side) pressure off him to be kinky as well as offering sex, and that I'd likely come home to him so wound up I'd tear him to shreds... to on the other side, thinking I might not be able to handle it at all and maybe I'd just feel really guilty and that, even though I may well have permission, I'd been unfaithful.

In the midst of this, in all honesty, I don't know if I feel like my kinky friends truly understand.

I'll get back to you when my head has stopped going round in circles. 

NK x

Roses are red, bruises are black and blue...

Today I wanted to mention a company and a product I spotted some time ago in the back of Bizarre magazine (Oh, how I love Bizarre...); The English Leather Rose Company.

 According to their site, they started out on a Narrowboat! Growing roses on a Narrowboat, is apparently, not doable! So the creator set about devising an alternative. If you want to read all about their history, it's available here.

To the left is what the ELR Co. call their Erotica rose from their Gothic Collection - my personal favourite rose.

Between the timeless contrast of vivid, passionate red with the strict darkness of black and the gentle spikeyness of the rose's aesthetic, I couldn't help but be drawn to it.



 For the kinky amongst us, two roses in particular stand out in the collection.

The first of the two is the Fetish Rose. Described as being "for a different kind of love", the Fetish Rose comes in four different colour designs - pure red, red/black mix, rich purple and pure black.

What really sets these roses apart from the other roses at The English Leather Rose Co. is the addition of real barbed wire! Symbolising the painful pleasures to be found in fetish romances, play and scenes, the barbed wire halo is wound downwards and bound into the black leather stem.

It should go without saying that as these roses have very real, very pointy, barbed wire attached, they're strictly for ornamental use and should be kept and displayed somewhere away from where little hands could grab them!

The other thing you do need to keep in mind about this particular rose design is that barbed wire is not easy for the creator Louise to work with, so at particular times they might not be available (i.e. right before Valentines) and in general it might be a good idea to give her a good bit of notice and allow yourself a little longer, just in case. ;)

Finally, the BDSM rose really struck me. I know so many people who would just fall in love with this. Black and Blue (geddit?) with a black stem and leaves.

The colours featured symbolise a variety of aspects found within BDSM relationships, and the rose is available with or without the fetish adornment of the barbed wire halo. Divine!

I haven't yet had the luxury of owning a leather rose, but some day I will! I'd definately recommend checking out Louise's site at The English Leather Rose Company, and following her on twitter!

NK x

PS - anyone want to get me one? ;)

Last Night

He appeared behind me. The evening had been tame, we'd each not long been home from visiting family at Easter. Suddenly, his lips graze my neck, accompanied by the savagery of his teeth delicious pain, as he tastes my flesh... His hands roam to my breasts, for they are his to use, with his hot breath still at my neck, I am commanded: "Stand up." A pause, then further instruction, "and turn around". I rise, and face him. He pulls me in, and kisses me. Roughly, passionately, hungrily. His tongue probes my mouth, caressing and using my own. My vest is removed, and my bra in quick succession. His eyes feast upon my breasts, quickly followed by his hands... Their sumptuous delicate nature in harsh contrast to his abuse of my nipples, making me stretch and contort and pain and joy. He tugs down my black jeans, leaving me in only my girly Hello Kitty knickers. Commands come forth once more, I am to turn, and bend over. The seconds between assuming this vulnerable, exposed position and his return to my behind feel like hours. The first sharp stings lash across my backside, only slightly dulled by my knickers. He pauses only long enough to pull down my knickers, then begins to swing the flogger once more. Direct contact to my fleshy bottom, and the flogger cracks me harder. And harder. And harder. I cry out. Restrained, as far as I can.. I know we have at least one housemate at home. But also because I want to take this and more. To cry out too hard would be some kind of weakness. My arse grows hotter as the strikes land in quick succession Just when I think he's never going to stop, I hear the flogger land on the bed. I stay still, I haven't been told to move. I feel his hands part my bum cheeks, holding the fleshy mounds apart, my hole exposed. His tongue quickly skims across my my asshole. I can't hold back my cries, such delicious ecstasy. His tongue laps furiously, circling me, then dipping. He delves deeper and I work not to scream. As he comes back up, he frees his cock, pushes me further over, and takes me. As he fucks me, he drags his nails down my back. I hear myself moan, and don't care. As my back arches, he grabs a fistful of my hair, and pulls, hard.

He stops, slick from my juices. I'm told to stand, and face him. He kisses me forcefully once more before commanding me to kneel. I drop to my knees, as he strokes himself in my face. "Take it" he tells me, and I take his cock into my mouth. As I suck, lick and lap at his glistening cock, I'm ordered to play with my tits. I feel his cock stiffen further in the final throes of pleasure, as he forces himself further into my face. I swallow every drop.

NK x

A Little Girl's Need for Submission.

I remember being 17. In a rock club, the rock scene still new enough to me that I still felt mildly intimidated, a little on edge. The music was loud, and the heavy basslines reverberated through my body.

Suddenly, a hand strikes my ass. I stop, and turn. Ready to tear the head off some adolescent wanker who feels any female is his possession to do with as he pleases, I draw breath. Then feel it exit me, as I see it is, in fact, the girl I've been crushing on since we were first introduced some weeks prior.

Everything stops.

The world around us seems to lack all significance, as there is only us. The marshmallow softness as her lips meet mine, countered swiftly by her forceful yet deliciously erotic tongue dancing over my own, playing in my mouth. Girl kisses are different to boy kisses. This is a fact, I'm sure of it. (Truth be told, while I love R and wouldn't change him for the world... I do miss girl kisses!)

 I also remember, every bit as vividly, her question to me, some time later. "Do you like bondage?" The truthful answer would have been "Erm, I have no idea, you're the first woman I've kissed, I'm still pretty inexperienced, and I've never been tied up or down in my life... but the idea excites me". What I said was "...maybe", with a devilish grin.

 I was so desperate not to seem as inexperienced and vanilla as I was - perhaps as that had never felt much like who I really was? Part of that, though, was undeniably caused by her. The relationship was, at the best of times, subject to her mindfuckery, and she didn't exactly treat me especially well.

Now though, I can look back and see that while she was never a good girlfriend, perhaps she'd have made a good play partner? I wasn't in the right place for that then though, so I don't dwell on it too much. The relationship may have had it's problems - to say the least - but the fire that grew from the spark she created still burns bright. I still need to be someone's little girl, to be submissive and be Dominated, to be told what to do and to serve. To feel the most alive I could ever feel while my limits are tested, and feel the rush so great that nerves across my body feel like they're about to explode. I suspect I always will.

NK x

Review: Spartacus Broad Tip Nipple Clamps

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