Thursday, 23 August 2012

BDSM is Domestic Violence? Really?

I read today that a charity based not far from me is planning a "50 Shades bonfire" on the 5th November, and is calling for women to hand over their copies to be burned.

Reading the article, Clare Phillipson, who is the Director of Wearside Women in Need is quoted as saying: "I do not think I can put into words how vile I think this book is and how dangerous I think the idea is that you get a sophisticated but naive, young women and a much richer, abusive older man who beats her up and does some dreadful things to her sexually."

She goes on to label consentual BDSM as "domestic violence". 

I was appalled to hear the life I lead judged so harshly. I felt compelled to try to advise her of the reality of consentual kink and the relationships within it via the contact us link on the charity's site.

In my email I said:

Dear Ms Phillipson

I am writing to you to alert you to the offense caused by your statements to BBC news as published on their website here:

I am a lifestyle submissive woman in a D/s relationship. This is a relationship I entered consentually, and any and all activities carried out between my partner and I are fully consentual.

I greatly enjoy the pleasure I receive through these consentual activities.

To read these judgemental comments about a lifestyle many men and women in the North East are involved in was deeply offensive and disheartening. Most relationships in the kink scene are fully consentual and non abusive, but as with vanilla relationships, occasionally some do go bad. These women should feel they would be able to turn to WWIN, however I can say with some conviction I doubt many would after seeing the standpoint your organisation has taken against the lifestyle we lead.

I hope you will seek to enlighten yourself further to the healthy, fulfilling lifestyles others lead, and endeavour to make yourself more tollerant.


I do hope she will reconsider her standpoint, although my gut instinct says this seems unlikely. Should I receive a reply, I will post it here.

How do you feel seeing her take on the kinky lifestyle? Am I the only one who is shocked and disappointed? It really seems like kinky people, especially women, have less and less services we can use and be open about who we are and what we do. 

NK x

1 comment:

Abel said...

I've only just seen this - but what an excellent post. Well done for standing up to these folks.