I remember being 17. In a rock club, the rock scene still new enough to me that I still felt mildly intimidated, a little on edge. The music was loud, and the heavy basslines reverberated through my body.
Suddenly, a hand strikes my ass.
I stop, and turn. Ready to tear the head off some adolescent wanker who feels any female is his possession to do with as he pleases, I draw breath.
Then feel it exit me, as I see it is, in fact, the girl I've been crushing on since we were first introduced some weeks prior.
The world around us seems to lack all significance, as there is only us. The marshmallow softness as her lips meet mine, countered swiftly by her forceful yet deliciously erotic tongue dancing over my own, playing in my mouth.
Girl kisses are different to boy kisses. This is a fact, I'm sure of it. (Truth be told, while I love R and wouldn't change him for the world... I do miss girl kisses!)
I also remember, every bit as vividly, her question to me, some time later. "Do you like bondage?"
The truthful answer would have been "Erm, I have no idea, you're the first woman I've kissed, I'm still pretty inexperienced, and I've never been tied up or down in my life... but the idea excites me".
What I said was "...maybe", with a devilish grin.
I was so desperate not to seem as inexperienced and vanilla as I was - perhaps as that had never felt much like who I really was? Part of that, though, was undeniably caused by her. The relationship was, at the best of times, subject to her mindfuckery, and she didn't exactly treat me especially well.
Now though, I can look back and see that while she was never a good girlfriend, perhaps she'd have made a good play partner? I wasn't in the right place for that then though, so I don't dwell on it too much.
The relationship may have had it's problems - to say the least - but the fire that grew from the spark she created still burns bright. I still need to be someone's little girl, to be submissive and be Dominated, to be told what to do and to serve. To feel the most alive I could ever feel while my limits are tested, and feel the rush so great that nerves across my body feel like they're about to explode.
I suspect I always will.