Sunday 8 August 2010

A kinky conundrum.


The last week or so has been one of discussion and contemplation in the main for me.

A few things had mounted up between R and I, and I'd been bottling my emotions and problems up. I know that's not exactly the best way to resolve, well, anything. But it doesn't mean it's any easier to just be upfront.

In the end, enough came to a head that last weekend, conversations were had. We discussed many things, one of which being our slightly misaligned sex drives (He reckons mine is higher than anyone else he's known... pfft.) - and I think we both understand one another slightly better on that front now.

Leading from that we also talked about our kinkier sides and what they mean to each of us.
In essence, our difference there is that for R, a bit of BDSM is for the bedroom, between us, and as an addition or prelude to sex. Now, for me, of course there is a sexual link in that kink and BDSM does get me hot - but it isn't necessarily a starter or a side dish... It could be the main event or at least an integral part of an activity in its own right. Getting that out on the table was positive, as it allowed us to recognise where the other was coming from.

He visited a fetish club near here years ago, before we got together. He didn't have a great time, due mostly to fairly external factors, but he also felt as though he'd explored that side of himself, and fulfilled the curiosity he'd experienced in that event. I, however, have never been to a club. I've been to a few munches now, and have kinky friends (as an aside, some of the friends I've made "on-scene" have been some of the best friends a girl could ask for, by comparison to former friends of mine), but so far my "scene experience" has been one hundred percent social.

As I mentioned earlier, we had quite extensive discussions last weekend. One of the things R raised was my need for kink, and a need he said he didn't feel he was fulfilling, or possibly could fulfill.

He brought up that he would be fine with it should I choose to engage in play with some of my kinky friends, as he knows that BDSM would be as far as it would go, and it would be strictly sex free... Which of course, it would be.

I've thought about it quite a lot since then, and I think I'm no further forward than I was a week ago. I don't know how I feel about that. I really don't. My mind keeps flip-flopping between thinking it'd be a great outlet for my kink side, and as the Mr and I discussed, take some of the perceived (from his side) pressure off him to be kinky as well as offering sex, and that I'd likely come home to him so wound up I'd tear him to shreds... to on the other side, thinking I might not be able to handle it at all and maybe I'd just feel really guilty and that, even though I may well have permission, I'd been unfaithful.

In the midst of this, in all honesty, I don't know if I feel like my kinky friends truly understand.

I'll get back to you when my head has stopped going round in circles. 

NK x

6 comments:

Lilly Goode said...

Darling...I know you might feel guilty, that worries me. I didn't want to bring up before you did...
In the end, do what you want that is best for you!!
FOR YOU!!
xxxx

ShrinkingEmerald said...

:)

Thank you sweets. I know you wouldn't want to contribute to that, trust me.

I think my head just wants a "right" or easy answer. Hmm.

LF x

Janie said...

How will you know if you feel guilty until you try it? It can be difficult to make that decision to make the next step. But if you're not happy now, how much have you got to lose? As long as you communicate well with your partner there's no reason why everyone can't be happy :)

Good luck chica, with whatever you choose!


xoxox

ShrinkingEmerald said...

Hmm, I see what you mean... But I think i worry what effect the feelings of guilt would have on our relationship.

While I may not be completely satisfied with my kink release, the relationship is amazing, and I think my biggest concern is jeopardising what we already have together.

Thanks for the input :)

LF x

Evil Angels said...

If her said you can go and do kinky stuff with other people (as long as it doesn't involve sex), then he must want to do something with someone else, did he bring that up?

Nice blog btw, hope you don't mind if we follow you. ^_^

ShrinkingEmerald said...

Of course not, follow away! And thanks!

He brought it up more as I'm the kinkier of the two of us in the relationship - he doesn't want to do as much kink as me in the first place so I doubt he'd find a desire to add anyone else to it! ;)

LF x