Tuesday 17 August 2010

BDSM and Me – Part 1: Roles.

Today I'm answering the first question from the series I'm currently partaking in; BDSM and Me.
What role(s) do you fit into within BDSM? If more than one, do you see one as your “primary” role?


I have always, since I first stumbled into kink, identified as a submissive. Even in my pre kink days, I'd always seek to be in the submissive role within sex, to be the person being told what to do, the fucked rather than the one in charge doing the fucking. Some people who know my kinky leanings are surprised as I can be quite bold in everyday life, and often take charge of situations; for me I wonder if it acts as a release or form of relaxation, to be told what to do and relinquish all control.

These days my submissive side is a little more certain than it used to be, and it's developed in many ways. From the little girl I was at 17 and the instinctive, almost primal responses I gave to those early spanks and wrist binds in rock clubs, to the sub I am now and the kinks I know I have now.

I've faced interesting dilemmas, especially recently, such as having a partner who is kinky, but not nearly to the same extent I am. It's probably only comparitively recently that I've realised I probably qualify as a bit of a masochist too, in that pain - in mild to moderate quantities - is really, really hot. I still say "mild-moderate" even though I'm the first person to say I don't believe something so innately subjective as pain can be quantified, because It's what, on my scale, is mild to moderate. On someone else's scale it would probably hurt like hell, and equally I could likely name a few friends who would laugh in the face of what I currently find to be nearing my limits!

I think that covers most elements of how I identify right now within BDSM and kink, but if you want to ask any questions feel free to comment here or fire away on my Formspring (you don't need to register). Likewise, follow me on Twitter and Facebook for regular updates and more of my wittering!

NK x

1 comment:

BDSM and Me: A 15 Part Series… said...

[...] 1. What role(s) do you fit into within BDSM? If more than one, do you see one as your “primary” rol... [...]