Tracy Quan; Please Stop It.

Picture reproduced under Creative Commons. From Smoobs on Flickr.

Really.

This is the second time I've seen this quote, about lube:

“Tell him he’s more, ahem, challenging than average. You really need that extra lube to keep things comfy, because you’re not accustomed to a man of his hugely impressive dimensions.”

Apparently, we should "spare him the biology lecture", advise both LoveHoney and Harlot Magazine (Article "5 Sex Secrets Men Don't Want You to Know... And how to deal with them").

 Really? We've worked for so long to encourage the concept of open dialogue and the right to female sexual fulfilment to be recommended THIS? I'm not denying that this tactic may have worked for Tracy in the past - and that's all well and good - but what may have worked for clients isn't always the way to go with someone you're involved with... Tracy, for all I know, may have also rolled out this cliche to men she dated or slept with on a personal level, I don't know. What I do know is that men, contrary to what is sometimes suggested, are not stupid. Most guys know vague averages, and they'll be able to judge off their experiences with other women too. A significant proportion of men would be nothing short of patronised by such a comment (especially when they know they're of average proportions) - which is a mood killer in its' own right.

Surely the obvious answer is a confident "It'll feel great" - sure you don't have to tell a new guy or a one night stand your life story, but be realistic. Lube can easily be worked into a fulfilling sex life that doesn't base itself off BS. How about applying lube to his cock (condommed, unless you're in an established relationship, I'm sure you don't need that lecture off me too)with your hand, allowing for a slippy hand job that will flow naturally into hot, wet sex? If you prefer to lube yourself up, that's no reason to worry either- I honestly don't think I've met a man who has disliked the visual of a slick, slippery pussy waiting for his attention!

It's only right to add here, that Julie Peasgood, whose post quoted the Tracy Quan advice at LoveHoney, did come back into the debate and say that she had hoped it would read tongue in cheek, but unfortunately I feel it misfired, as many women do have very real hang-ups about issues such as this, and advice like that can be tempting.

The issue of Tracy Quan and her "Don't talk" policy only re-entered my consciousness today as she features in Harlot issue 19 in the above article. In all honesty, giving her a whole article to advocate more worries, hangups and 'white lies' didn't impress me especially. (You might have trouble responding to your man's touch if you use a vibe, don't tell him you're on the pill - STI talk is a turn off, and you taste bad - I paraphrase, but hell, I'm annoyed.)

I do love Harlot though, and it really is worth a read. Just know that you might want to turn the page when you see Tracy's twaddle.

NK x