Sunday, 12 September 2010
The Ex Factor? When a former flame returns...
Recently, a friend of mine broke up with her significant other, and pretty quickly got involved with an ex. Some might be quick to presume it'd be a rebound romance, and nothing more. In her case though, I really don't think it is. See, for her and her ex, it was never 'over' really. Sure, they stopped seeing one another, they dated other people... but as for where their hearts lay, and where they naturally gravitated? Totally not over.
So they're together again now and I support her in that. I can see they care a great deal about each other and he treats her how I want her to be...
You'll often hear people say you should never return to an ex as there was always a reason you split in the first place. I'm not convinced, and suspect that's a little too sweeping to be fully true. Sure, if you split because of a personality trait that hasn't changed, or behaviour that hasn't altered, then of course it'd be foolish to slip back between the sheets...
But if you can honestly look back at your past love and know that the reasons you split are now mitigated, then it can work. For my friend, the fact that they lived a distance from each other was difficult. Now, they have better transport and a little more financial availability to get to see one another. The first time around, his willingness to commit didn't always work in his favour. I think, for her, it could feel a little stifling. Now, 4 years on and having spent that time with a partner who wasn't willing to consider how they were moving forward, and that once stifling focus seems wonderful.
It's not always so though. Some people are given every chance in the world by those around them and never change. I recently heard from an ex of mine, I'll call him the chef... He'd deleted and reactivated Facebook, and when I wrote on his wall mocking how short a time he was away for, I found a comment on my post, apparently from his very recently become-ex... Followed up by a message, it all alleges the chef's been a very naughty boy again, not only cheating on several girls at once (with none of them knowing), but also saying very disturbing things - using his family's ficticious ill health as excuses... All in all, if even half of it is true, it shows he really hasn't changed. When we were together, he even borrowed my phone to sit on a call to his ex for an hour when he was cheating on me with her... Nice. I wouldn't be surprised if he had done what these girls and their friends have said, in all honesty.
I really think he needs to get some more casual playmates and friends with benefits instead of being a monogamous cheat..if nothing else, it does seem to get him in some fixes!
In all? Sure it can work. But assess the reasons behind the split first. And if there was fault on one side... has the leopard changed their spots...?