Monday, 27 July 2009

Feeling Unsexy – Dealing with it or working on it?

Today I received an unwelcome surprise from Mother Nature. Now this may be too TMI for some, but I’ll gloss over it, naturally! Essentially, Aunt Flo shouldn’t have arrived for her monthly visit till Thursday, but she unpacked her bags and settled in today. This has made me undeniably cranky, but on the bright side explains why I’ve been a bitch for the last couple of days! (What a relief, it’s not just me being mean!)

It makes me cranky partially because of the aches and pains that come with it (but between my mug of sweet, milky tea, a giant aero bar and my hot water bottle, I’m working on that!) but also because of the enforced lack of sex. I could do with a really good seeing to right about now anyway so this was really badly timed. *growls*
Look, my tea. It’s fixing me, so it is! And it’s not a bad mug either! ;)
I know some women are happy – or at least willing at the bare minimum – to have sex during their period but I am not one of them. Firstly, in all honesty, the mess would put me off. Secondly though, I am generally a bundle of “eugh” during that time of the month, and the last thing on my mind is sex (I have to admit, that’s the only time of the month I can say that!)
Now when you’re single, feeling like that isn’t a problem. You can curl up with a hot water bottle and wrap yourself in a duvet and almost forget about sex and the like for the week… however when in a relationship, it’s not always that simple. I’m not saying we owe our partners sex or that we are obligated; but it’s difficult if they are horny as hell to tell them where to go! That isn’t, however, to say I never have told him to sod off when I’m feeling horrifically unsexy, but I feel fairly rotten for doing it. I mean, I'm sure there are plenty of times when he's felt tired or lathargic and for whatever reason didn't feel like it - but has still done it for me?
Yes, handjobs and blowjobs are always an option at that ‘time of the month’ – but I find that’s when the whole “feeling unsexy” issue really bites you on the arse. When you don’t feel sexy (or at least this is the case for me), you don’t feel like you’re capable, and what’s more – in my case at least – I know I get irritated. I don’t mean to, really, I don’t. In fact I hope this constitutes as an apology!
Part of this though, could be my own quirk – as I have blogged about before I am naturally very much towards the submissive side when it comes to sex and any kind of BDSM play, nothing makes me happier than to be told (nay, ordered, ideally!) what to do, get pushed around, restrained, spanked etc… Except with one thing. Blowjobs. I have mentioned briefly before that I have issues with them (I think I have at least!) I believe my problems stem from my very early sexual experiences, where oral was the one thing anyone tried to force me into. It was pure luck that I’m damned strong and could tell him where to go. Don’t get me wrong here – I don’t count it as anything terrible I’ve “endured” or anything, but it’s given me certain issues. Being aware of such things tends to help though and being into psychology, my way of thinking tends to work within how I can alter my own schemas etc and thus make my mind interpret the situation differently. I hope to report progress very soon. I feel like I have some making up to do to my man.
With all that said, I am curious as to how women feel – do you try to do things you really don’t feel like for the sake of knowing there are times when you know he can’t be arsed/is tired and still does it for you, or do you go with the fact that you really aren’t in the right mindset for it? And as for their partners; do you feel like they should just get on with it or do you think it’s fair enough if they feel unsexy and generally “off”?

 NK x

1 comment:

Ashley Ladd said...

You're my winner of the Ellora's Cave collectible cards. Please email me at with your mailing address. However, please wait until Friday July 31st so I have a chance to clear out my emails so I'm sure to receive it.

Congrats again!