Thursday, 23 July 2009

BDSM-themed musings...



I have discovered that reading example BDSM scenes is a bad idea, unless I want to get incredibly horny. No great surprise there, in fairness!

I was forumming earlier and stumbled across someone recommending a page on BDSM ‘for nice guys’ to another member, as she’d been having some trouble with getting her mr to indulge her in some BDSM play. I had a read through, and also of the other BDSM related parts of the site in question, and wanted to share it with you guys. I have to say, I found it very informative and would answer a whole heap of bondage-noob questions that I know I had at the start as well as making some interesting suggestions for a more experienced practitioner.

I would align myself as being somewhere in-between the two; I am nowhere near ‘experienced’ with it, however have definitely got past that initial stage of curiosity/nerves. Personally, I am very much a sub, and reading through that site reminded me of just how long it’s been since I was last restrained, tied up or similar… We even have new things in our drawer to try out but it hasn’t happened yet. One thing I am looking forward to doing is handing over the reins of a remote control vibrating egg I own to my mr some time soon, obviously in public. The thought of him teasing and controlling when I do and don’t get stimulation, and in a public place? Hot isn’t even the word. *fans self*

One thing that I think has hampered my getting more into BDSM with my other half is my lack of confidence. It annoys me no end when it strikes, but it’s something I’m conscious of and I’m working on. I’d certainly say I throw caution to the wind and just go for it so much more these days than ever before – and a great deal of that is having a partner who I know finds me sexy and also that I can trust implicitly – but I still need to allow myself to let go a little more. Ironic, in a way, as I do think that is why I am so naturally submissive, as it provides a release for me. I am quite a ‘big personality’ (I think that’s how you say it politely!) in everyday life, generally one to stand up and take charge of situations (though yes, horrifically indecisive) and thus being the opposite in my BDSM play provides a setting in which to be controlled and in that control, find a very real release. I find the whole scene odd though – I have always kept out of it as there’s something about the scene that... I don’t know… intimidates me, I think.

To be honest the people I’ve known who I am aware are part of the scene for it round here aren’t the best ambassadors for it at all. I also have always thought my natural insecurities and lack of confidence would be aggravated by the scene, hence my keeping well away from it. I guess in a strange way I’ve been loosely connected for some time though, was begged to do some bondage modelling a couple of years back, but at the time there was no way my confidence would have allowed it! In hindsight, it could have been an interesting experience, but I don’t regret turning it down, if only because I know I couldn’t have handled it at the time. Could have been a laugh though, and the money’s always handy! I would like to add a brief disclaimer to this post here – I am aware that not everyone on the BDSM scene are like the folk I have known, and I’m sure there are a lot of really cool people out there… But I am equally sure they’d still – intentionally or otherwise – intimidate the hell out of me!

NK x

2 comments:

Silent Angel said...

I am with you on this ... I love the fantasy of the BDSM scene but I wouldn't know where to start and then again I would only want to do it with my partner and not actually in public scenes .... so difficult ... but a good fantasy
(aka redapple)

LivingFire said...

I know what you mean- in some senses I can see the appeal of the public setting; however another thing that makes me avoid the community like the plague is the seemingly (to an outsider; if someone in the 'scene' is reading this and fancies giving me a message or comment if my assumptions are wrong, do feel free :) ) 'you're anyones property' kind of attitude that seems to abound at such events... Im in a very committed, monogomous relationship and tbh even when I was single, that kind of thing never did appeal - i have to trust someone explicitly before I could enter into any kind of BDSM play with them.

I have huffed more than one over zealous dom in my time by stating i had no interest in bending over for their belt... Apparently, according to some, that makes me (and I quote) a "shit sub" - I call it selective, personally!

LF x