Sunday, 30 May 2010

Where I've Been...

Nowhere especially, is the short answer. But between stressing about flat/house viewings, tenancy applications and insurance quotes, things have been more than a little hectic. My stress levels are through the roof and that's more than a little offputting.

The main thing sending my anxiety stratospheric is the whole house move malarky. We have just under 4 weeks left on this contract, and ideally want to leave before that - if nothing else, it makes moving easier. We still have no place to move to. We have the problematic situation of being mature students with monthly income - apparently, that's just no good... there are the agents who outright won't even speak to us, and then there are those who take our applications but pick DSS candidates over us as it's guaranteed rent payment. Things feel very hard right now.

Then, there is the job stuff. Stuff being my lack of one. I really need some income of my own, and we need more cash as a unit generally. To live right now has led to debts going right up - which is exactly the sort of thing that gets to me, so that's hard to handle too. I have a lot of applications in for posts at the moment though - so I'm allowing myself to be at least a tiny bit hopeful.

Finally, there's Uni. I don't know how I feel about it right now, and no-one seems to quite understand my point. Well, some do, to an extent at least. But.. Essentially I'm meant to be moving course soon, and starting at year 1 again. I'm 6.5k down in terms of student debt, and no further forward. Add the credit card and overdraft to that and it isn't nice. And my new course might be better, but I find it hard to know - it's not something I've ever studied before, so maybe it's just another gamble that probably won't even pay off.

But right now it's the first time I've known so many to be proud of me. And I don't want to let anyone down, so I have to find a way.

But that's mostly why I've been quiet. My mojo's been a bit... screwed, recently. It's been hard to write or think or test, And I feel guilty about that.

I'm sure I'll be back on fighting form soon.

NK x


Janie said...

That's a lot for one person to deal with! I hope things start to come right for you :) sending good vibes your way!


TheCaraSutra said...

Oh hun that's not good at all, very stressful. We are going through similar at the moment with a move within a month and I cried so many times this past week. Money is tight and everything's just happened at once. Sending many hugs your way through this difficult time, hope you get a new home & income soon. In the end we sorted a few things out on Saturday in the one day, which shows a lot can come together very quickly. Feel free to get in touch for a chat whenever you need. Xxxx