Life etc...

Ok then. So, I've toyed with the idea of this post for a few days now and decided to go ahead with it. I guess some of that deliberation is about where my boundaries lie on here, and whether anyone cares about my personal life. Still though, I decided to procede on the basis that what's going on right now affects my life fairly significantly and can also affect my blogging up to a point. (Enough rambling, yes?) Basically, I've had depression problems since my teens at least, if not 11/12, and now I'm at Uni they have returned again. I'm finding myself extremely anxious, paranoid about people around me, and a whole host of other depressive stuff too. This came to a head a few weeks back when I had a group presentation to do at Uni and I just couldn't speak no matter how hard I tried. I'm also aware there are times when I'm a really shitty girlfriend (though I know my boyfriend says I'm not) and a really shitty housemate. I did go see my doctor, though I felt bad for wasting her time, I didn't think she could do much etc. I was expecting the same as I got a couple years back with my old doc, a laminated tick sheet to almost self-diagnose, and a promise of some CBT with what was probably the worlds crappiest CPN ever that never did materialise. I actually feel guilty for underestimating my GP now, she was wonderful. We had a really good talk, she takes my problems seriously and is referring me for therapy, and I've been started on some antidepressant/anti-anxiety meds too. Probably overdue by all accounts. Now, how this ties into the blog, aside from the fact that there is a person (me!) writing it, and this is happening to me, is the fact of side effects of ADs. Now, like most ADs, there are a list of possible side effects about as long as my arm. I'm being affected by a few, most notable is the nausea which happens most days at the moment, but with extra tiredness in there somewhere, oh, and... increased difficulty in achieving orgasm. Now this last one I'll admit I've taken kinda hard. Don't get me wrong, I'm sticking with the meds, it's not really an option to ditch them cold turkey anyway, and I think long term this is the best way to go, but this one side effect is probably the one that's getting to me the most. Being a girl who, since I started self-pleasuring some 10 or more years ago, has never had trouble getting off, to have to work so hard is sort of alien to me. On the bright side, I guess it gives me a chance to really road-test the Tracey Cox Orgasm Arousal Gel I have and already really like. Clouds and silver linings and all that! Anyway, I really hope I haven't bored you or annoyed you too much. I'll keep this kind of boring crap to a minimum, I promise.

NK x

Hello folks. It's been one hell of a few days. Emotions have run high, insults shot at me and too many tears have flowed. It's a miracle I'm not changing status on about a million websites to "single" right about now, but I'm glad I'm not. Today things have been better in the main. One thing is on my mind, but that's better left alone I think. As today has been better I have been more in the mood to actually test some of my toys I took delivery of on Saturday. I was intending to get a lot of work done today as I'm off college but alas, these beauties got in the way: The Diamond Dazzler [buy@lovehoney] Now, I got this free in my order I blogged a few days back. It was their promo last week (and I'm glad I did order then, the Sue Johanson silicone number doesn't appeal at all... silicone, lovely... nodules, not so much my thing) which meant I got it free as I made an order over the qualifying amount... I posted up my review not all that long after it's debut with me:

A girls best friend...?, 09 Dec 2008

Reviewer: LivingFire, a Going Steady Bisexual Female

I have to say I probably wouldn't have bought this had it not been the free gift promotion at the time when I placed my order. Why? Because to look at it, I wasn't convinced.

The faux-diamond "jewels" do slightly cheapen it. It is a bit "girly-girl" which isn't exactly me and all in all, it just didn't seem to have too much to make it stand out from the crowd, ifs you overlooked the jewels.

When I received it, I noticed it states it's waterproof; I must admit I haven't tried this yet - to be honest I'm not sure if I will, purely due to the fact that all vibes do get a little louder underwater, and volume is an issue for this model anyway.

The manufacturers went for the 'woman on the front' mode of packaging, but it's nowhere near as bad as some as she is wearing underwear, so that I can live with! I'm pleased it takes 2 AA batteries, I wish more vibes ran on AA as they're so easy to get!

It's easily operated, with a standard twist base, and multi-speed vibrations; starting from what I would class as medium (doesn't really have that annoying pointless level some vibes do!) going all the way up to "wow". The major downside to the higher level, though, is that it is pretty darn loud when on top setting.

To that effect, this will have to stay as a toy to be brought out when I'm home alone, I think.

In terms of use, I found the vibrations seemed a little strong in the hand, but still carried well to the tip; enough to allow for clit stimulation. I alternated between clit stimulation and penetration, and I'd say the great thing about this would be if you're newish to toys, it's smooth and the girth isn't too big at all. Likewise, if perhaps, your partner is a little intimidated by the uber-phallic toys out there, try them with this as like I say, it's completely unintimidating.

In recent times, I've used more jelly vibes etc, so this was a really refreshing change - I'd forgotten how nice a rigid plastic vibe can actually be!

So yes, not one I'd have instinctively gone for, but a more than welcome toy box addition. I am blaming one of the forum members and LoveHoney jointly for my "shopping accident" I had this afternoon. I wasn't going to order again till new year... But then the Deal Of The Day is the Tracey Cox Supersex Mini Rabbit Vibrator - today you get the Tracey Cox Supersex Bullet Vibrator free with it! The mini rabbit has been on my wishlist for a little while after reading purplejools' review and subsequent forum posts on the matter - and apparently, it does pretty well on volume too which interests me greatly. All in all, it looks like something a bit different from what i already have in my toybox, and having recently discovered bullet vibes, (more on that in a tick) I'm totally up for adding another one to the collection! Interestingly, when I first read that Tracey was doing a range to be stocked exclusively at LoveHoney, I did wonder if it'd be any good. I've only tried one thing so far; the Orgasm arousal gel - which I was seriously impressed with. In fact, that combined with the BASIC vibrating love bullet was what got me out of my rotten mood with the OH on Saturday before going to meet him. He should probably contact LH and thank them - if i'd met him in the mood i was in before that, well... The gel is interesting; at first it goes very cold, and almost has a similarity to when someone is going down on you and blows gently on your clit - that cool sensation, but more intense... Then I honestly can't tell if it warms or cools, it's a bit mind boggling, but very good. Combined with the intensity of vibrations the bullet was exerting on my clit, I came like a rocket after about a minute. It all led me to wonder - in the interests of saving my relationship, perhaps I should carry said gel and bullet on me at all times...?