Mental Health and BDSM

 

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So I've been wanting to write about this topic for a while...

There's often talk about the apparent correlation between kink and mental health issues. In the general population, roughly 1 in 4 of us will have a mental health issue of some sort, at some time. The most common tends to be depression or anxiety based. I count myself among those who have (and in my case, continue to) suffer. 

For me, I started to experience what was later diagnosed as depression and anxiety probably around 10 or 11 years old. Some might think that's early, though a surprising number of people do experience very early problems with mental health disorders. As of now, I am 23 and still battle against my demons. 

Whether or not there is a higher incidence of mental health problems in the fetish community is hard to say as any evidence would be anecdotal at best, as no studies have been conducted nor numbers assessed. However, anecdotally speaking at least, there does seem to be at least a loose correlation - in my experience - that suggests such issues do seem to have a higher rate of incidence amongst the kink sceene. 

As many psychological movements in the world still categorise elements of kink as being themselves hallmarks of variant forms of mental illness, some would likely argue that the connection may suggest kink could be a disorder or 'sickness' as it is at times seen in the vanilla world to be. 

Recently, though, I have been thinking more about alternate reasons why this may be. 

From a young age we are raised (generally speaking) in a vanilla world. This world is still broadly speaking, not especially sex positive, and even more critical of "deviant" sexual needs and wants. From as early an age as we develop these desires, we hear that they are not healthy. For some of us, we establish vanilla relationships and go about our lives often surpressing part of who we are. I believe this to be unhealthy behavious; as to deny a part of yourself can only bring pain and sadness. 

I have found personally, that as i feel my kinkiness is an integral part of who I am and that those needs and desires are as strong as my needs for sex in general, for social contact and friendship, that if those desires are surpressed for too long a time I do find my stress increasing, my mood descending and my ability to cope with the world at a low. 

Perhaps a correlation between a kinky self-identification and mental health problems could be traced to having to mould and shape ourselves to fit a world unforgiving of BDSM? 

All in all, be true to yourself and you may be surprised at how good it feels. 

NK x

Life etc...

Ok then. So, I've toyed with the idea of this post for a few days now and decided to go ahead with it. I guess some of that deliberation is about where my boundaries lie on here, and whether anyone cares about my personal life. Still though, I decided to procede on the basis that what's going on right now affects my life fairly significantly and can also affect my blogging up to a point. (Enough rambling, yes?) Basically, I've had depression problems since my teens at least, if not 11/12, and now I'm at Uni they have returned again. I'm finding myself extremely anxious, paranoid about people around me, and a whole host of other depressive stuff too. This came to a head a few weeks back when I had a group presentation to do at Uni and I just couldn't speak no matter how hard I tried. I'm also aware there are times when I'm a really shitty girlfriend (though I know my boyfriend says I'm not) and a really shitty housemate. I did go see my doctor, though I felt bad for wasting her time, I didn't think she could do much etc. I was expecting the same as I got a couple years back with my old doc, a laminated tick sheet to almost self-diagnose, and a promise of some CBT with what was probably the worlds crappiest CPN ever that never did materialise. I actually feel guilty for underestimating my GP now, she was wonderful. We had a really good talk, she takes my problems seriously and is referring me for therapy, and I've been started on some antidepressant/anti-anxiety meds too. Probably overdue by all accounts. Now, how this ties into the blog, aside from the fact that there is a person (me!) writing it, and this is happening to me, is the fact of side effects of ADs. Now, like most ADs, there are a list of possible side effects about as long as my arm. I'm being affected by a few, most notable is the nausea which happens most days at the moment, but with extra tiredness in there somewhere, oh, and... increased difficulty in achieving orgasm. Now this last one I'll admit I've taken kinda hard. Don't get me wrong, I'm sticking with the meds, it's not really an option to ditch them cold turkey anyway, and I think long term this is the best way to go, but this one side effect is probably the one that's getting to me the most. Being a girl who, since I started self-pleasuring some 10 or more years ago, has never had trouble getting off, to have to work so hard is sort of alien to me. On the bright side, I guess it gives me a chance to really road-test the Tracey Cox Orgasm Arousal Gel I have and already really like. Clouds and silver linings and all that! Anyway, I really hope I haven't bored you or annoyed you too much. I'll keep this kind of boring crap to a minimum, I promise.

NK x

Just a Quick Explanation of Absence.

A brief update from me, and annoyingly 'life-based' it is too... Recent low mood stuff seems to be spilling over into sex life right now, I feel so sorry for R, he must be feelinglike nothing he does is right - though I have appologised for it all and he says there's nothing to appologise for. I really am very lucky to have such an understanding boyfriend... But if nothing else, I'd really like this anxiety/mood crap to go so i can pounce on him <3 cause I'm actually rather fond of that... and right now, it's no good. :( A slightly :( post today guys. Better ones will follow soon enough, I promise.

NK x