Sinful Sunday: Cherries

This week we wanted to keep it simple.

I love this scarf. I love being tied. Simple. 

See who else is being sinful this Sunday...

Care in the Community

(Flickr // CC)

So I wrote here about how we recently attended our first fet event. During the event we played for longer (in a sustained sense) than we had previously, and I took a much longer, harder beating than normal - where new toys were also used.

I've read many times about the importance of aftercare to a submissive, and always appreciated the importance - at least for others. I'd never really played hard enough or found my way into subspace. The link there describes subspace as the state of a bottom's/submissive's/slave's mind during play, noting that "deep subspace" is often said to be a state of deep recession and incoherence.

Of course, that all changed on Saturday. Only afterwards did I realise how significant the scene had been, and how "out of it" I'd became. This, my friends, is why it helps a whole lot to at least have my Master there even if not playing!

During the scene, strapped to the cross, I remember "zoning out", feeling my mind move past the physical into a part of my mind I know I can only access through intense pain or meditation. A quiet place, and somewhere that doesn't feel affected by the outside world in any form. Looking back now, I can recognise that I was pretty far into subspace. Asked at what became the end of our scene if I wanted to stop, I remember trying to focus on Master and attempting to answer. "I... don't know..." was all I could manage. It was then, with the focusing issues and the way my legs had stopped supporting me properly that Master called an end to the scene.

Aftercare is something you read about a lot in BDSM/kink circles. I had never especially considered aftercare in relation to myself, nor had I ever expected to be the "kind" of submissive/slave that would need a great deal of aftercare. I look back now and realise that logic is at best flawed. There aren't "kinds" of submissives/slaves, and no-one can tell prior to play (unless you have prior knowledge) who will need aftercare. What I learnt is that aftercare is really all about listening to, and responding to the needs of your submissive/slave. While the wiki article is quite basic, I have read others online that detail the ways in which a sub/slave may react after a scene. For me, I was disorientated, and needed guidance on really basic things. I found I got the shivers/shakes and my temperature dropped. Knowing what I do now, i intend to keep a sugary drink on hand for post-play next time we play hard, and something warm to wrap up in. Something that was immensely helpful and comforting was the way Master told me how proud he was of me and that he loved me. The tenderness shown there penetrated to my very core.

I know I couldn't have handled being left on my own at that time. Being expected to stand would have been difficult, and had I not been given time to process and "recover" from the experience, I am certain my subdrop would have been significantly worse.

The bottom line is this; never think you know the extent of the aftercare you or your sub may require until the event occurs. Try to be as prepared as you can. Mostly, just look after yourself and those you play with.

NK x

BDSM and Me - Part 5: Culture

This is part 5 in a 15 part series of questions I've been slowly working my way through for some time now. Click here to see the full list. 

What would you say have been (if any) mass and pop culture influences on your BDSM expectations, performance and desires?

Picture reproduced under Creative Commons. From Bert23 www.aerosolplanet.com on Flickr

Right now, I find this a really interesting question. I switched degrees at University and I'm now studying on a programme that combines media and cultural studies; a course that I'm finding incredibly enjoyable and very "me".

Even defining popular culture is a huge undertaking however! (It must be if a professor at my University can somehow have managed to crank out five editions of a text book on media and popular culture!) I have 2000 words to write on just that!

However, overlooking the problems with the term itself, I'll attempt to answer this without veering off into essay mode!

Popular culture has for a long time, depicted kinksters and BDSMers as the "others", as the socially deviant, and at times morally questionable. I always found that hard to accept. From a fairly young age, the first sights of kink I was exposed to (I would suspect that was online!), I found to be an enlightening demonstration of self expression. For that reason, I always felt that I didn't understand the need for secrecy we find imposed upon us by society.

At the same time, however, I also suffered with masturbation guilt during my earlier years as a furtive wanker. It wasn't probably until I reached mid teens that I truly accepted self love as a source of pleasure and joy, rather than something to feel ashamed of afterwards.

Luckily, by the time I was introduced in the real world to kink, I was well and truly over my self pleasure shame!

Largely, I'd say I tend to avoid paying too much attention to what mainstream mass media has to say about fetish and kink, as the majority of it is nothing more or less than a caricature of reality; a distorted jumble of the seedier elements of what someone might have done to someone else, somewhere...

Saying that, though, I am a member of FetLife, and that could be easily classified as a sub-group within society, and of course, that makes it a smaller part of (admittedly "deviant") culture. I have learned a lot about other peoples' kinks and fetishes in the time I have been a member there, and it has helped me greatly in getting more involved with the local social kink scene.

Being involved to this small extent has meant that I feel I better understand what might happen at a BDSM club, or play party, and as such think I may yet find myself in attendence some day. Were it not for the influence of the online and real world communities I have encountered, I know that wouldn't be the case - it'd all be too intimidating for me.

As I have learned of more and different kinks and fantasies which other people hold, I have found my own kinks and potential kinks widening. Some years ago, for example, I might not have been as open to rimming as I am now (if you'll pardon the unintentional pun there!) - and I am so glad I am.

While I know that went on a bit, and I probably waffled on for far too long, I hope it explains a little of my influences.

NK x

Review: Fetish Fantasy Honeymoon Bondage Kit

This is another review I've been shamefully sitting on for some time now. I'm not usually this useless but with one thing and another, this has taken me forever... and I really hope that the gorgeous guys and girls at SexToysUK can forgive me... *flutters eyelashes*

I was sent this to review a while ago (*blush*) and it was really nice to have a change from vibes! Don't get me wrong, I love what I do and testing dildos, vibes and other toys is a pretty awesome hobby/job I have... but a change is brilliant too, and that's exactly what this provided!

In this kit, you'll find adjustable white wrist and ankle cuffs with tethers, a white blindfold, a pink and black feather tickler, 2 candles and a mini vibrator. As such, I'll take each item in turn, and then look at the kit as a whole...

The wrist and ankle cuffs are probably the most significant piece of kit in the box. Obviously, the thing that is most striking about these is the fact that they're white. Not entirely groundbreaking, but also a noticable departure from the standard bondage fare of black, black and more black, and a change that would likely make them a whole lot less intimidating to the uninitiated. In use, I was impressed by the velcro closures on the tethers, they really didn't give even when I tried really hard to pull against them. With the tether system though, our bed isn't exactly condusive to them, being the divan type. Still, overall, a definite thumbs up for the cuffs.

When I first laid eyes on the blindfold, I was skeptical. It's not the most expensive or thick blindfold, and to top that, it's white... so I really wasn't sure it was going to actually perform its task. I'll admit I was wrong, and that it does a surprisingly good job. Because of the way mine was folded in the box, mine had some pretty noticable creases, that made it look less attractive. They'll come out in time, but initially that does affect the look. The nose area could be a little better shaped, but that's a common flaw with all but the really high end blindfolds, and it's a minimal issue by comparison. Sure there are better blindfolds out there, but this is at least a decent-ish beginner's one.

In stark contrast to the vast amounts of white in this kit, sits the pink and black feather tickler that's included. The handle is a thin, plastic stick so it's possibly not going to be the sturdiest creation ever, but the feathers do feel wonderfully soft and is probably best (in my opinion) paired with the blindfold to allow for sensation play.

The candles are fairly standard, the normal white stick type many households keep in stock for emergencies. As such though, they're inconspicuous and will likely fit most holders. I'm not certain why they're in this kit though; in that as it's marketted towards comparitive beginners with bondage - for whom I'd think wax play might be pushing boundaries a little? If not, they could make for a handy way to set the scene and get the atmosphere right. I did check them out and they seem to burn pretty cleanly and the temperature of the wax is pretty average too.

Coming across the mini vibrator, I found it's the pocket rocket type, and comes with 4 interchangable caps (one domed; one with flat, circular bumps; one with taller, slightly spikier nobs and a fourth with what I can only describe as rounded off spikes). The vibe without any caps added has 3 metal nubs on the top, which I find to be a little rough to want to use on its own. The vibe is quiet, which is a plus point, and only needs a single AA battery, but largely, I didn't find it particularly impressive. With either of the first two caps on, (especially the dome) it feels like a lot of the vibration is lost, and travels up toward the hand rather than the clit... and the latter two caps feel downright spikey. I don't want anything that rough buzzing there. A bit of a let down, unfortunately.

Lastly, not mentioned on the box or the SexToysUK site, I also found a little bag containing twist-open samplers of PipedreamProducts' Toy Cleaner, "Moist" Lube and Peaches and Cream "Liquid Love". The Latter is a little runnier than most lickables are but does taste very peachy, if a little too sweet. The lube has a decent consitency, and isn't sticky. These three samples make for a nice, unexpected inclusion. It's just a little annoying that you can't reseal them.

All things considered, I'd say that the Fetish Fantasy Honeymoon Bondage Kit makes for a good intro set, but may be a little basic for anyone who's a bit more advanced. I wasn't a fan of the vibrator, but the hard wearing restraints make up for it.

It's available now at SexToysUK.

NK x

BDSM and Me: A 15 Part Series...

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A kinky conundrum.

The last week or so has been one of discussion and contemplation in the main for me.

A few things had mounted up between R and I, and I'd been bottling my emotions and problems up. I know that's not exactly the best way to resolve, well, anything. But it doesn't mean it's any easier to just be upfront.

In the end, enough came to a head that last weekend, conversations were had. We discussed many things, one of which being our slightly misaligned sex drives (He reckons mine is higher than anyone else he's known... pfft.) - and I think we both understand one another slightly better on that front now.

Leading from that we also talked about our kinkier sides and what they mean to each of us.
In essence, our difference there is that for R, a bit of BDSM is for the bedroom, between us, and as an addition or prelude to sex. Now, for me, of course there is a sexual link in that kink and BDSM does get me hot - but it isn't necessarily a starter or a side dish... It could be the main event or at least an integral part of an activity in its own right. Getting that out on the table was positive, as it allowed us to recognise where the other was coming from.

He visited a fetish club near here years ago, before we got together. He didn't have a great time, due mostly to fairly external factors, but he also felt as though he'd explored that side of himself, and fulfilled the curiosity he'd experienced in that event. I, however, have never been to a club. I've been to a few munches now, and have kinky friends (as an aside, some of the friends I've made "on-scene" have been some of the best friends a girl could ask for, by comparison to former friends of mine), but so far my "scene experience" has been one hundred percent social.

As I mentioned earlier, we had quite extensive discussions last weekend. One of the things R raised was my need for kink, and a need he said he didn't feel he was fulfilling, or possibly could fulfill.

He brought up that he would be fine with it should I choose to engage in play with some of my kinky friends, as he knows that BDSM would be as far as it would go, and it would be strictly sex free... Which of course, it would be.

I've thought about it quite a lot since then, and I think I'm no further forward than I was a week ago. I don't know how I feel about that. I really don't. My mind keeps flip-flopping between thinking it'd be a great outlet for my kink side, and as the Mr and I discussed, take some of the perceived (from his side) pressure off him to be kinky as well as offering sex, and that I'd likely come home to him so wound up I'd tear him to shreds... to on the other side, thinking I might not be able to handle it at all and maybe I'd just feel really guilty and that, even though I may well have permission, I'd been unfaithful.

In the midst of this, in all honesty, I don't know if I feel like my kinky friends truly understand.

I'll get back to you when my head has stopped going round in circles. 

NK x

Roses are red, bruises are black and blue...

Today I wanted to mention a company and a product I spotted some time ago in the back of Bizarre magazine (Oh, how I love Bizarre...); The English Leather Rose Company.

 According to their site, they started out on a Narrowboat! Growing roses on a Narrowboat, is apparently, not doable! So the creator set about devising an alternative. If you want to read all about their history, it's available here.

To the left is what the ELR Co. call their Erotica rose from their Gothic Collection - my personal favourite rose.

Between the timeless contrast of vivid, passionate red with the strict darkness of black and the gentle spikeyness of the rose's aesthetic, I couldn't help but be drawn to it.



 For the kinky amongst us, two roses in particular stand out in the collection.

The first of the two is the Fetish Rose. Described as being "for a different kind of love", the Fetish Rose comes in four different colour designs - pure red, red/black mix, rich purple and pure black.

What really sets these roses apart from the other roses at The English Leather Rose Co. is the addition of real barbed wire! Symbolising the painful pleasures to be found in fetish romances, play and scenes, the barbed wire halo is wound downwards and bound into the black leather stem.

It should go without saying that as these roses have very real, very pointy, barbed wire attached, they're strictly for ornamental use and should be kept and displayed somewhere away from where little hands could grab them!

The other thing you do need to keep in mind about this particular rose design is that barbed wire is not easy for the creator Louise to work with, so at particular times they might not be available (i.e. right before Valentines) and in general it might be a good idea to give her a good bit of notice and allow yourself a little longer, just in case. ;)

Finally, the BDSM rose really struck me. I know so many people who would just fall in love with this. Black and Blue (geddit?) with a black stem and leaves.

The colours featured symbolise a variety of aspects found within BDSM relationships, and the rose is available with or without the fetish adornment of the barbed wire halo. Divine!

I haven't yet had the luxury of owning a leather rose, but some day I will! I'd definately recommend checking out Louise's site at The English Leather Rose Company, and following her on twitter!

NK x

PS - anyone want to get me one? ;)

A Little Girl's Need for Submission.

I remember being 17. In a rock club, the rock scene still new enough to me that I still felt mildly intimidated, a little on edge. The music was loud, and the heavy basslines reverberated through my body.

Suddenly, a hand strikes my ass. I stop, and turn. Ready to tear the head off some adolescent wanker who feels any female is his possession to do with as he pleases, I draw breath. Then feel it exit me, as I see it is, in fact, the girl I've been crushing on since we were first introduced some weeks prior.

Everything stops.

The world around us seems to lack all significance, as there is only us. The marshmallow softness as her lips meet mine, countered swiftly by her forceful yet deliciously erotic tongue dancing over my own, playing in my mouth. Girl kisses are different to boy kisses. This is a fact, I'm sure of it. (Truth be told, while I love R and wouldn't change him for the world... I do miss girl kisses!)

 I also remember, every bit as vividly, her question to me, some time later. "Do you like bondage?" The truthful answer would have been "Erm, I have no idea, you're the first woman I've kissed, I'm still pretty inexperienced, and I've never been tied up or down in my life... but the idea excites me". What I said was "...maybe", with a devilish grin.

 I was so desperate not to seem as inexperienced and vanilla as I was - perhaps as that had never felt much like who I really was? Part of that, though, was undeniably caused by her. The relationship was, at the best of times, subject to her mindfuckery, and she didn't exactly treat me especially well.

Now though, I can look back and see that while she was never a good girlfriend, perhaps she'd have made a good play partner? I wasn't in the right place for that then though, so I don't dwell on it too much. The relationship may have had it's problems - to say the least - but the fire that grew from the spark she created still burns bright. I still need to be someone's little girl, to be submissive and be Dominated, to be told what to do and to serve. To feel the most alive I could ever feel while my limits are tested, and feel the rush so great that nerves across my body feel like they're about to explode. I suspect I always will.

NK x

BDSM-themed musings...

I have discovered that reading example BDSM scenes is a bad idea, unless I want to get incredibly horny. No great surprise there, in fairness!

I was forumming earlier and stumbled across someone recommending a page on BDSM ‘for nice guys’ to another member, as she’d been having some trouble with getting her mr to indulge her in some BDSM play. I had a read through, and also of the other BDSM related parts of the site in question, and wanted to share it with you guys. I have to say, I found it very informative and would answer a whole heap of bondage-noob questions that I know I had at the start as well as making some interesting suggestions for a more experienced practitioner.

I would align myself as being somewhere in-between the two; I am nowhere near ‘experienced’ with it, however have definitely got past that initial stage of curiosity/nerves. Personally, I am very much a sub, and reading through that site reminded me of just how long it’s been since I was last restrained, tied up or similar… We even have new things in our drawer to try out but it hasn’t happened yet. One thing I am looking forward to doing is handing over the reins of a remote control vibrating egg I own to my mr some time soon, obviously in public. The thought of him teasing and controlling when I do and don’t get stimulation, and in a public place? Hot isn’t even the word. *fans self*

One thing that I think has hampered my getting more into BDSM with my other half is my lack of confidence. It annoys me no end when it strikes, but it’s something I’m conscious of and I’m working on. I’d certainly say I throw caution to the wind and just go for it so much more these days than ever before – and a great deal of that is having a partner who I know finds me sexy and also that I can trust implicitly – but I still need to allow myself to let go a little more. Ironic, in a way, as I do think that is why I am so naturally submissive, as it provides a release for me. I am quite a ‘big personality’ (I think that’s how you say it politely!) in everyday life, generally one to stand up and take charge of situations (though yes, horrifically indecisive) and thus being the opposite in my BDSM play provides a setting in which to be controlled and in that control, find a very real release. I find the whole scene odd though – I have always kept out of it as there’s something about the scene that... I don’t know… intimidates me, I think.

To be honest the people I’ve known who I am aware are part of the scene for it round here aren’t the best ambassadors for it at all. I also have always thought my natural insecurities and lack of confidence would be aggravated by the scene, hence my keeping well away from it. I guess in a strange way I’ve been loosely connected for some time though, was begged to do some bondage modelling a couple of years back, but at the time there was no way my confidence would have allowed it! In hindsight, it could have been an interesting experience, but I don’t regret turning it down, if only because I know I couldn’t have handled it at the time. Could have been a laugh though, and the money’s always handy! I would like to add a brief disclaimer to this post here – I am aware that not everyone on the BDSM scene are like the folk I have known, and I’m sure there are a lot of really cool people out there… But I am equally sure they’d still – intentionally or otherwise – intimidate the hell out of me!

NK x

I must, I must...

Blog more often. This is it, I promise I am turning over a new leaf and you WILL see more of me in these parts! Been a bit distracted what with one thing and another, but isn't everyone? I won't be using that as an excuse to neglect this any more... Though as no-one reads this, strictly speaking, I am talking to myself. Isn't that the first sign of madness? Today is all about sex toys. I am a member of LoveHoney's forums (Fora?) , and a regular buyer of toys from the afforementioned. I love them and hate them, sometimes in equal measure. I love them because it's near impossible not to, and I hate them for nothing more than the fact that they keep making me spend money I shouldn't. Really good example would be today. I went to a shopping centre today (a rather large one) which has an Ann Summers. Now, I will admit that I did go with the intention of sinning and cheating on my beloved LH. My trip did involve a notable detour to Ikea for meatballs followed by daim cake... Not very sexy or O/T but hey, it's real life donchaknow? Once I had finished my daim cake, I walked through the centre to A.S... Now, I don't mean to judge here, but I noticed three or four SAs stood together, faffing with stock and seemingly, chatting. The store looked fairly empty, though admittedly I couldn't see the back where what I call the "proper" stock is. Maybe, part of me is still the pathetic wimp I was when in high school (or younger even) but seeing as all three girls looked up at anyone pausing (maybe, oh, thinking about coming in and spending some money?!), it totally put me off. I think I was drawn to the idea of going to A.S. as I miss the tactile stuff, I like the whole looking at the displays thing, the "shopping" experience, which as much as I love LH, obviously, online isn't the same. The reality, though, put me off. I decided this meant I was DEFINATELY allowed a LH order when I got home, and order I did. Now, do consider that I currently have zero income (stupid, stupid gov't (or rather the outsourced company they emply) still haven't arranged my ALG) but I will grant that my savings from my old job seem to be more than tiding me over, and I felt i needed a treat. I think we'll be calling this my christmas present to myself though, it's a bit of a wopper at just under £70! I wasn't planning that much... But I saw that for £50+ you qualified for a free Diamond Dazzler vibrator which is itself worth twenty quid, and seems to get good ratings. Having brought my order up to the £50 mark, I saw that at £60+, you can choose your delivery date! Awesome, I thought, as I won't be in on friday so Saturday is far better. (Btw, what do I say to my parents? "Butt out, it's christmas soon!" is what I'm favouring if they ask whats in the box!) And lets not forget, the original incentive that pushed me to order was the free gift offer in the LH mag! Here's my order: Liquorice Dip Butt Plug Triple Pack Black Wanted this for a while and think I really need to invest in some graduated butt plugs to get the ol' anal sex life going with the bf... Smooth Realistic 6.5 Inch Waterproof Vibrator Purple I wanted a waterproof vibe. Nothing more, nothing less. Might spice up showertime? Bondage Tape Black HOW long have I wanted this??? Now, to get the bf to use it on me... (I'm a sub through and through, lucky I went and fell in love with a dom!) Tracey Cox Supersex Orgasm Arousal Gel This is something I don't think I ever would have ordered if not for the LH mag! Something a bit different, and haven't tried any 'sensation' inducing gels or lubes so i'm certainly up for this. Aquaglide Anal Lube I was going to order the sliquid one, but it's OOS. Might end up getting that one in the future, who knows... but for now, I think i need anal lube and fast, as i know the bf is missing anal action and tbf, so am I. Doc Johnson Blush UR3 Dildo Clear This just seemed a really good price for a real-feel dildo, and I've been after a dildo for a good while. I have quite a few vibes but not really any good dildos, and this one looks good. I have really high hopes for this. Diamond Dazzler Smooth Vibrator 6 Inch Ah, the one that made me buy more than I set out to! Looks good though, the reviews are positive and it's certainly pretty! A £20 vibrator for free? well, you can't knock that! BASIC Sex Toys Essential Starter Pack And this is the one that made me want to order this time in the first place! You get 4 items from the LH BASIC range, which I've fancied trying anyway.. the BASIC Sex Toys Vibrating Love Ring, the BASIC Sex Toys Vibrating Mega Ring, the BASIC Sex Toys Vibrating Finger Ring and the BASIC Sex Toys Vibrating Love Bullet. I've been fancying the idea of a cockring for the mr anyway, and if i bought one, it'd probably be the Omazing one, but if we get on with the ones in this freebie, then we can treat ourselves to that I think! Hehe. So, a pretty impressive haul considering. If i'd spent just under £70 in AS, I have a feeling I may have walked out with, oh, 2 vibes? lol..

A slight amendment.

In my intro I said 'I'm single'. This isn't true. I do now have a boyfriend. We'll call him R. Onto the post for today. R stayed over last night. I'm 20 and this (imo) should therefore mean my bf can stay when we like, but while my mum is pretty much fine with it I get the feeling my dad isn't. Still, if i don't ask him, we don't have to confront that, do we? I think he'd be fine with it if R didn't share my bed. I also think neither of my parents would like R nearly so much if they knew i lost my anal virginity to him last night. Still, what they don't know... So today i ordered some things, including some clever little tie things to be tied up in. I always wanted to get more into that but due to a woeful lack of trust in prior relationships it never really took off... A was WAY too vanilla (he wouldnt consider anal, bondage, pain, pretty much anything, tbh) and M, well, she was very into bdsm. But i knew she was a bitch and never could trust her which in my opinion is essential in bondage. I havent asked R if he likes that kind of thing but he seems to have a decent level of kink to him, he's into pain and he fingered my ass without asking so i have a feeling he'll be agreeable ;) which is good. On a final note. I hate living with my parents, for one reason above all others. Sex where you're paranoid about creaking beds is ANNOYING. If mildly comical.